Sew What

I’m able to attribute most inadequacies in life to my mother. I place blame on her blatantly and openly and because she loves me a ton, my mother takes it in stride. During our inevitable tiffs, usually after 1 hour of interaction, she always retorts, “I suppose [insert arbitrary inadequacy here] is my fault too? Everything is my fault!”

Some examples that come to mind:

I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend, which probably explains why I’m inept at relationships and thought breaking up with someone via email was a good idea.

I wasn’t allowed to get my ears pierced, this has grossly limited the opportunity for sig. others to give me diamond earrings.

My mom never work make-up, hence I was never taught and thus think putting on Ponds face cream is adequate for a slutty night on the town.

In Jr. High I was not permitted to take sewing class. I was told that sewing is extremely easy and that I could eventually learn it on my own. Well it has been 18 years and the whole sewing thing has not presented itself as a skill set in my limited repertoire of talents. When a button comes loose on a jacket my first inclination is to scotch-tape it in place, my second thought is to just throw away the jacket altogether.

As a counterpoint to this argument, my mom did cave and let me take cooking as an elective. So despite the fact that I have tattered clothing, I can whip up braised short ribs with a roasted butternut squash puree and sautéed kale topped with a balsamic reduction. Let this be a lesson to young mothers trying to raise an awesome daughter, no matter how much you do, it will never be enough. I think in my mom's case she has given up and plans on doing all the things she should have done with me, with her unborn and probably-not-gonna-happen-any-time-soon granddaughter.

Seriously though, this button thing is really becoming a problem, tape does not hold well against wool. HELP!!!!