Adventures on MUNI

There are few things you can count on in life; consistency can be very reassuring. The one thing I count on every month since I've moved to The City by the Bay is the MUNI pass. It always arrives on time in the mail, surprising me with a new color scheme. (On a side note, there have been months were I try to guess the colors before I open the envelope...definitely makes the process more exciting, AND I was actually right once). While I used to think MUNI passes only stuck to the basic colors, nothing too flashy, they surprise me with neon pink or lovely lavender.

The ride to work every morning has also become something I can count of for regularity. My bus stop is right in front of a coffee shop where the same old man sits there and drinks his latte. He always has the same fedora-esque hat and cigarette. Once I saw him at the Peet's across the street, THAT threw me off.

Upon boarding the bus, I head towards the very back. There is nothing more uncomfortable than sitting in the handicap/old people section in the front. The bus inevitably becomes crowded, random handicap/old people get on, you offer them your seat, they politely refuse...choosing instead, to stand and hold on to the greasy poles for dear life. Then more people get on and the bus driver plays this automated message, "Please reserve the front seats for seniors and people with disabilities." I can't tell you uncomfortable it is when you're sitting in one of those seats and an old/handicap person is standing in front of you all feeble (but defiant!). I can feel everyone else judging me, wondering how I can be so cruel as to not offer my seat, especially after an announcement was made. If only they knew I HAD offered. I also don't know what old people are doing up at 8 in the morning on a Wednesday during rush hour, it makes no sense.

So the back of the bus is where it is at, you don't have to deal with the crowding and the awkwardness. There are a few regulars on my bus route that I always watch out for:

Guy that looks like George Carlin except with awful aviator sunglasses: He always reads the paper but for some reason refuses to take off the sunglasses and instead, puts his reading glasses on OVER the sunglasses. So he's essentially wearing 2 pairs of glasses at once. The guy is already saving money riding the bus, he's clearly established (based on the suits he wears) but he can't spring for a pair of prescription sunglasses?!?

Guy that I thought was a woman, but is actually a guy (and engaged): In my defense, his hair was combed weird the first time I saw him. Also, he had a bunch of Christmas gifts in decorative wrapping paper, most guys I know are not down for that. It wasn't until I saw him and his fiance looking over wedding photography contracts (and also awkwardly petting each other) that I was able to put two and two together.

Guy that looks like an Asian Mark Anthony: He's only on once in awhile, I think he usually carpools, or so it was said during his cell phone conversation.

I've fallen asleep on the bus, laughed on the bus, cried on the bus and even been drunk on the bus (probably the most pathetic thing ever). You can always tell when there is newbie on board because they never know how to get off the bus once it stops and they keep yelling, "Back door! Could you please open the back door?!?" and all the disgruntled San Franciscans yell back "Step down" because, duh that's how you get the door to open. Then as they leave we all snicker and roll our eyes (I like that part the best).