semantics

I’ve been getting a lot of flack lately for my excessive use of the words “creepy” and “gross.” Those who know me well, understand that things that are “creepy” and or “gross” merely mean that they make Your Pal, Al extremely uncomfortable and said Pal would prefer to have significant physical distance from alleged “creepy” and or “gross” object/person/situation.

It appears to have gotten to the point where people are de-sensitized to my use of these words. Just to clarify, I’m not using the words interchangeably, and I actually pick one or the other depending on the situation. Please see description below:

Creepy- anything that deviates from normal human interaction
Example: While filling up mug with tepid water in the office kitchen, Your Pal Al makes conversation with straggly haired, deathly pale, 55 year old co-worker. The topic starts off harmless; the mugs provided by our office came with a warning label pretty much saying the paint used on the mug could be toxic and lead to cancer and/or birth defects. Within 2 minutes, the conversation changes to how she is on ineffective birth control and how her ob-gyn wants her to switch to a different medication BUT she’s not going to have kids so WHY does it matter. Then there is some reference to “duck, duck, goose” but Your Pal Al has no idea what she’s talking about anymore, fakes a laugh and backs out of kitchen as quickly as possible.

Gross- any sort of over dramatic behavior, situation or gesture that is unnecessary. Can also be a tangible object that makes you ask yourself “Why would anyone ever want this?”
Examples:
●“Aww, I forgot how much I like Celine, even if she is annoying and her marriage is gross.”
● “OMG, I’m SO, SO, SO excited to [insert something really boring that doesn’t warrant THAT much excitement, i.e. buying vitamins from Walgreens]!”
● “Look at this cool Hello Kitty stuff, I love, love, LOVE Hello Kitty”
● “So, I got gonorrhea…again”
● ABC Family hit show, “Kyle XY.” (He doesn’t have a belly button.)
● Matrix Fillmore, Dragon Bar, Loft 11, Slide
● A cold, slimy handshake
● Anyone that calls me “hon” (GAG).

Note, sometimes it is fun to instigate grossness:
K: Hey, you should do a Taiwan food post!
Al: Fine, but it will pretty much go something like this:
"Taiwan has bomb ass food, except for the one night my mom ordered me a spicy hot bowl of congealed chicken blood, and then a cockroach crawled up my brother's leg while we tried to choke down the food"
K: gross

Creepy AND Gross (aka the piece de resistance)
Few have been able to achieve reference of both words at once, however that’s not to say it is impossible. What better way to woo a girl on her 21^st birthday, then with a set of costumed hamsters that dance and sing? I would just like to add that at no point during our courtship did we discuss my love of karate, animals in costumes or robotic toys.

Challenge problem, just to see if you truly understand the distinctions made in this entry:
Please decode: "Gross, can you not be creepy?"