Do you live in New York?
Someone asked me that today. The answer should have been, "Yes!" Instead I was completely caught off-guard and responded with, "huh?" As the tourist started in on his "Do you know where this is..." question, I was still pondering the first thing he asked. What was it about me that made him assume I was a legit local? Obvious guess would be my purple American Apparel hoodie. This one article of clothing is really changing/redefining my whole persona (much like it did for Justin Beiber).
I actually hate when people ask me for directions, and this may seem counterintuitive, but the main reason being I know whatever help I provide will only make things worse. It is a known fact that I have absolutely ZERO sense of direction. I can't tell North from South and just learned recently that while "orientation" is a word, "orientate" is not. Anytime I go with my gut, I'm most likely walking in the wrong direction. I've also tried going against my gut to counteract this impediment, only to realize I am yet again...walking in the wrong direction. Thus I cringe when asked how to get somewhere. I want to scream, "I DON'T KNOW! Anything I say to you is probably a guess, and it's most likely wrong." This seems a bit much, so proposed alternative solutions include:
1. Look unapproachable. Wear earphones and ear muffs together to create a sound barrier impervious to the words, "Excuse me..."
2. Never smile. This comes easily as I have been told I'm not a smiley person. No point in trying to change that now.
There is a line from Lord of the Rings that goes, "Not all those who wander are lost." In my case, I wander because I am lost (also probably getting progressively more nervous because "Seriously, where the eff am I?!?"). So this on top of poor vision can only lead to bad things. I'm pretty sure if this were more primitive times, I would not not run with the hunter/gatherer crew. This is fine because I doubt my bow legs could have taken me very far into the wilderness.
We've clearly digressed. There are some out there who will question how I've survived this long or whether I'll ever be able to navigate with a map. To which I say to them:
Never. Say. NEVEEERRRRRRRR!
4 comments:
I think in those prehistoric days you had to choose between either being a hunter or gather. Don't think you can sit this one out.
Did I ever tell you why men have a better sense of direction than women? It's because we're built with a natural compass. We have the magnetic iron that women lose through menstruation.
i'd like a picture of your justin bieber hoodie with earphones and earmuffs.
didnt i tell you not to wear the hoodie-its bad luck
I will give you ten dollars to Never. Say. NEVEEEEERRRRR again.
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