She works hard for the money.

The most popular question I get when conducting job interviews is, "So what's a typical day like?"

This is how I would like to respond:
9:15am Saunter into work and login to computer. Remember that computer is still broken, so must operate under "safe mode." For those of you not in the know, "safe mode" basically means everything is in giant font, you don't have wallpaper settings and in the corner it says, "safe mode."

9:25am Get free bagels from kitchen. Recently bagels have not been pre-cut so you wait your turn to use the knife. The knife is extremely dull and the person before you appears to be struggling, you opt for a plastic knife.

9:45am Return to desk with toasted bagel (shmear on the side). Notice you have 6 voicemails and get really excited that people actually called. This is followed by extreme disappointment when you realize that they actually meant to fax something but have continued to dial the number incorrectly 6 times. Each of the voicemails consists of “beep” and then dial tone. The voicemail service kindly asks if you want to save these message, you decline.

10am Check work e-mail and see that nothing important has occurred in the past 16 hours since you’ve been away. Delete and/or move e-mails to various folders. Respond to a few inquiries and mark some with “!” to seem important.

10:30am Check personal e-mail.

11am Instant message anyone and everyone who is online.

11:15am Go to bathroom, check mailbox, drink lots of water. Walk really fast to appear busy.

11:45am Leave office to check out shops downtown and grab food to eat at desk.

1pm Return to desk with lunch for scheduled conference call. Receive e-mail saying meeting is postponed till Monday (regret not taking longer lunch).

1:15pm Eat at desk while reading, perezhilton.com, pinkisthenewblog.com and popsugar.com

2pm Realize you can’t print anything when you’re in “safe mode” and ask assistant to print up desired restaurant coupon for you.

2:20pm Chat with boss about nothing work related.

3pm Chat with co-worker who sits in cubicle across from you. He would like purchase his own island, you would like to buy a castle. How much does an island cost? You look on purchaseislands.com and confirm that it costs a lot (vs. castle which can be cheaper).

3:30pm IT finally arrives and asks, “Are you still in safe mode?” Then proceeds to fix computer. You also discuss Britney Spears (she has a trashy lifestyle, but IT guy gives her props for club hit, “Toxic.” He uses the phrase “sick beats,” you are slightly weirded out).

4pm Co-workers invite you to grab a drink and you oblige. Shut down computer and head out.

This is how I’m supposed to respond:
Well the thing about this company and this position is that there is no “typical day.” Things are constantly in motion with various deadlines and projects etc. etc. One time a potential candidate actually responded back with, "Wow, it sounds like you really love your job!"

Number of times you went to the bathroom to kill time: 3
Number of times someone asks you, “Soooo, big plans this weekend?” on any given Friday: 10
Number of times you sat at your desk staring blankly at the screen and wondered why you are you still here after 3 years: priceless